Protostar

 Protostar: A prequel to The Sun and the Moon

The protostellar phase is an early stage in the process of star formation … Collisions between molecules often leave them in excited states -- Wikipedia

Ten years ago

I let out my breath as I stepped a Vans-toed foot onto the high school campus.  I’d arrived.  The first day of class and my first day as a freshman came on a sunny, blue sky day in early September.  It felt perfect for new beginnings, as cheesy as that sounds.

Looking around at the Spanish-style compound set in the Santa Barbara hills, I saw kids milling everywhere, stopping and talking, leaning on lockers, walking to class, and carrying backpacks with new folders and not-yet-crinkled lined paper.  A feeling of expectation settled over all of us, even though it was way too early in the morning, making the air feel alive.

It also kinda scared the shit out of me.

Hoisting my new bag on my shoulder, I pulled my folded class schedule out of my jeans pocket.  It was getting warm.  I’d already taken off my black hoodie and tied it around my waist, just wearing my light blue Yater Surfboard t-shirt.

I’d no idea what this year would be like.  New town, new teachers, new classes.  New kids.

And a new school.

Waterford High.

Now if only I could find my way to first period, I’d be kicking ass.

My parents moved us here over the summer from San Diego to work on their pharmaceutical start up.  While the biotech corridor in San Diego made sense as a business location, they wanted to be closer to the professors who did research at UCSB.  I missed my old friends, but I liked it here too, I mean how could you not like Santa Barbara?  I could still surf all the time—we lived right on the beach—and the break not far from the house was sweet.  My mom had been looking into sponsorship for me.  I’d practically surfed since I could walk and I was getting some interest after I’d shredded in a couple of contests, which was fucking awesome.  Right now, I was limited to surf spots that were within walking distance and I couldn’t wait to get my driver’s license so that I could go further down the coast.  I tried to be patient; my dad told me he’d give me his old truck on my sixteenth birthday.  Soon enough.  The truck rocked, an old Ford F-100.  It was my grandfather’s truck, too.  Stoked.

I glanced up at the buildings, searching for some sort of sign or marking to tell me which one was which.  In Santa Barbara, all the buildings everywhere had white stucco walls and red tile roofs, with signs hidden for aesthetics.  Even here in school, they all looked the same.  I should have come to orientation, but I had to do some crap for my dad, basically babysitting my five-year-old sister while my mom took him to the doctor.  His cancer treatments were getting aggressive and he’d lost all his hair, which used to be like mine—messy and dirty blond.

Didn’t want to think ‘bout that right now.

Walking toward one of the buildings, hoping it was the right one, a low, soft, musical voice right next to me laughed, “Hey, do you need help?”  And a slim, pale hand with pink painted fingernails touched my bicep. 

I turned to look at the girl and I had to stop my eyes from rolling back into my head when I saw the unbelievable beauty that the voice and the hand belonged to.  It felt like she collided into me, even though it was just a touch on my arm.  Goosebumps erupted all over my body.  My legs shifted and buckled, and my stomach plummeted.

She was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen.

No.

Pretty was too mild a word.  I’d never seen someone as phenomenal as her.

Older than me, and taller, she had sapphire eyes, almost violet.  No.  They were violet.  Set against a pale face, they startled you.  Dark, lush eyebrows framed them.  Her high pronounced cheekbones, full lips, and dark hair made her stand out from the rest of the kids.  Even though she was clearly a high school student, she had an air about her—like she was regal.

No.

A movie star.

She looked like she needed to be signing autographs.

I couldn’t help it, I just stared at her.

And she had this terrific smile on her face that made me stupid.  Then I realized that yeah, I had no clue where I was going.  I opened my mouth to speak and managed, “I’ve got English first period in Room C-8.”  Shit, my voice cracked.  I cleared my throat and I showed her my schedule.  “Is that in this building?”  Good.  My voice, normally raspy, sounded better.

She smiled.  “No, it’s over here.  I’ll walk with you.  My class is next door in C-10.”  I felt this radiance from her, this glow, all soft and pale and luminescent like the moon.  Her creamy skin looked like it felt silky, and her features were so perfect. 

And then I noticed her absolutely perfect body.  Fuck me.  She belonged in Playboy.  Lush tits, a nipped in waist, and long legs.  I wanted to check out her ass but didn’t want to be a creeper.  Wearing dark jeans, brown boots and a pale pink t-shirt, all of which fitted her perfectly, she looked so damn hot.  She wasn’t real.

Not true.  She was real and she was talking to me, some sort of pale, dark goddess of the moon.

As we walked, she flipped her thick, wavy hair over her shoulders and said, “Let me see the rest of your schedule.”

It seriously took me a moment to process what she said because I was too distracted by her lips.  And her hair.  And her eyes.  I handed the paper to her and my fingers brushed hers. 

Whoa.

That was weird.

Since when was there electricity when you touched someone?  A static charge ran between us and she looked at me with curiosity, but she didn’t say anything.

Reading my schedule, she chirped, “Oh good!”

Anything.  I’d do anything to keep her talking, anything to keep her with me.  Anything to keep this going.

“What?”  Thank God my voice didn’t squeak this time and was its normal, husky sound.

“You have study hall with me.”

Yes.

“So I’ll see you later today,” she affirmed.  Fuck yes.  We’d arrived at a different building that still looked like all the rest and she pointed.  “That’s your classroom.  I’m over here.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, wanting to think of something to say to her and coming up with nothing.

She ran her finger down my bare arm and I think it seared a tattoo on it.  “I’ll see you in study hall,” she laughed.  “Good luck with your first period.”  Opening the door to her classroom next to me, she gave me a little wave and then danced inside.

I stood outside for a moment longer, shook my head, took a deep breath, and then stepped inside my first period.

***

A few hours later I walked into study hall, immediately scanning the half-full room for her.  Her.  I realized that I didn’t know her name.  She wasn’t there so I sat down on the side, in the middle, not wanting to be the nerd in the front or the jerk in the back.  I slid my backpack under the seat and by the time I’d looked up, she’d breezed in.  When I saw her, she was the only person in the now-crowded room, the only girl in existence.

And she smiled at me and headed right toward me.

Fuck yes.

“Hey, you made it.  How was your first day?”  She set her bag lightly down and gracefully slid into the seat.

“Good,” I said.  “Thanks for being tour guide earlier.”

She opened her mouth to talk, but the teacher walked in and silenced the class.  Then he started calling roll alphabetically.  I paid attention to find out her name, although yeah, I could just ask.

“Dena Crawford.”

“Here,” a geeky but cute blonde called out.

“Amelia Crowley.”

“Here,” the movie star next to me called out.  Amelia.

Mine.

“Jason Eagan.”

“Here.”

“Ryan Fielding.”

“Here,” I said, and managed to keep my voice from cracking.

“Hey, Ryan,” she whispered to me, smiling.

“Hey, Amelia,” I said back, dying in her smile.  What I wouldn’t do to see that smile all day, every day.

The teacher glared at us and we both shut up and snapped to attention, looking forward.

After he finished roll, he said, “Since this is your first day of school, no homework yet, it’s a free day.  You won’t have this every day, just today.  Please talk quietly or we will have silence.”

Yes.

I turned to Amelia, who scooted her desk closer to mine, her tits bouncing and her hair moving.  My dick twitched.  Fuck, if she kept that up, I’d get a hard-on in this classroom.  No.  I willed my body to chill.

“Are you new to Santa Barbara?” she asked, twirling her dark hair around her long finger, and she sort of bent down and looked at me.

Those eyes.  Those deep, blue-purple gemstone eyes.

Fuck, the hard-on was happening.  Ugh.  I tried to play it cool, grateful that at least I was sitting under a desk and wearing jeans and had my sweatshirt around my waist so I could sort of hide it.  But no, my dick was thickening and I couldn’t help it.  “Yeah, I just moved here from San Diego.”

“I’ve lived here my whole life,” she mused, that musical voice fucking with my body.  “But I’m applying to college far away, so maybe I’ll get out of here.”

That’s the last thing I wanted.  I wanted her to stay here forever. 

“You’re a freshman?” she asked.

Keep her talking, anything.  “Yeah.”

“I’m a senior.”

Damn.  I figured that she was older than me but this just wasn’t fair.  She was out of my league, but I didn’t care.  I wanted her like I’d never wanted a girl before.

I had my first real kiss at thirteen and went on dates to the movies before.  Had to get a ride, but whatever.  I wanted to kiss her, feel her up, pop her cherry if she hadn’t done it yet.  Pop my cherry.

“I can’t wait for November,” she continued, still smiling, still twirling her hair.  Still making my dick stand at attention.

“Why?”

“I want to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.”

Oh, so she’s a nerd.  So was I.  “Me neither.”

She squeaked and her cheeks flushed.  Oh boy.  “You like Harry Potter too?  Who’s your favorite character?”

Character?  What character?  All I looked at was the way she moved and the way her lips formed words.  Oh, Harry Potter character.  “Luna Lovegood.”

“You’re gonna have to wait to see her,” she said, smiling.

“I know,” I said.  “I’ll wait.”  And then, because I couldn’t help myself, I lifted up my chin and said, “I’ll take you to see it when it comes out.”

Her face, previously shining and hopeful, fell.  “Oh, I’d love that.  But my boyfriend gets kind of jealous.”

And there, all the life, all of the beauty, all of the hope that existed in the world died.  Of course she had a boyfriend.  She was too pretty not to.

Fuck.

My dick finally behaved with that news and I let out a breath.

I tried to play it off like it didn’t matter.  But really, there was no way she could miss the abject misery in my eyes.  She reached over and brushed my cheek.  “You’re adorable, Ryan.  If I wasn’t going with him, I’d go with you.”

Small consolation.  I wanted her.  Ugh, life was not fair.

When I got home from school that night, I still felt the trail of her fingers on my face.

The next day, I got to study hall.  Amelia was nowhere to be seen.  The teacher said, “A few of our students had to transfer to third period, so you’ll notice a few new faces from yesterday.”

Dammit.  She was gone.

You can buy The Sun and the Moon here!