yeah, I should really do that

I think the proudest moment of my life was when, right after I hit rock bottom, I decided to change.

And I did it.

For real.

Before, someone would suggest an improvement—something that would make my life healthier or better—and I’d agree and smile and nod and say, “yeah, I should really do something about that.”

But I didn’t.

Despite the fact that it was good advice, and it would have likely helped me.

Suggestions like:

I should get help.

I should talk to a professional.

I should look into meds.

I should clean up my diet.

I should exercise.

I should meditate.

All good advice. All things I wasn’t doing.

But beyond agreeing that yeah, I should do those things, I didn’t actually do them. Or I didn’t do them for any sustained period of time.

No actions. Just wallowing in misery that my life wasn’t different.

When I hit rock bottom, I didn’t say I should do [the things I needed to do to get better].

I did them.

And that made all the difference in the world.

What changed? How did I go from lip service to action?

For me, the decision to actually do something was the only decision I could make. Because my choices were quite literally either (1) death (by suicide) or (2) get better.

But I wish I could save someone else that pain.

I chose to get better because I had no viable alternative. That’s why I call it rock bottom.

It was enough of a scare to make “yeah, I should do that” turn into “how do I do this?”

And little by little, I took, frankly, frightening steps. I cried when I met my trainer the first day at the gym. I texted a friend play-by-plays at the grocery store when I was figuring out what to eat. I took medication.

I turned myself over to professionals and humbly took their advice. Because what I was doing wasn’t working, and it wasn’t working in a big way.

Mental illness can keep you from being motivated to get better. It can stop one from taking the very action that would help.

And our brains and bodies and habits and environment are all stacked against us changing. We’re programed to stay in a sort of homeostasis. Taking the same actions every day, wishing things were different, but not being able to do the things that actually make the difference.

But I’m here to say, I did get better. I was able to do the things I “should” do. And the first step was for me to choose to take action, not to talk about how good it would be if I actually took action.

The second step was to get out of the way. I stopped thinking that I knew better. Clearly, the way I was doing things wasn’t working.

I’m all for following intuition and for sticking up for myself. That’s not what I’m talking about.

I chose to listen to those who had real concern over my wellbeing and knew what they were talking about as far as getting better. I asked the right people.

Yes, there were plenty of wrong turns and fumbling around and trying things that I never tried again.

But I consistently took action.

If you’re stuck with a life you don’t like, and you know what you should do to fix it, I want to encourage you to take that step, whatever it is. You know what it is. Seeing a doctor. Writing in a journal. Ending a relationship or starting a new one. Communicating better. Eating better. Moving more.

Following your heart.

Stop saying you “should” do it and start actually doing it. It’s worth it.