reminder

I work for myself. Of course I have clients I have to please and readers I want to entertain, so I do have oversight and responsibility. But for the most part, there’s no one telling me to show up at a certain time or do anything, unless I agree to it or unless it’s me telling me to show up at a certain time and do something.

While I like the flexibility, there’s also a large amount of pressure with being self-directed. If I don’t show up, no one will. And it’s not like I have only one thing to do every day. Usually there’s a mountain of things on my to-do lists, and I have to employ systems to keep track of it all.

(I’m also aware I’m lucky I have a job and can do work during 2020. So many people out there have a different kind of pressure on themselves.)

Putting pressure on myself to get things done for work can translate to me needing to show up always, at all times. But that means a lot of personal things get shoved off until the weekend or some unknown time.

And there’s only so long that can work.

Constantly working during work hours also means that I don’t relieve the pressure. While I think that taking action, doing work is a kind of pressure-relief (especially for a former depressive), still, sometimes I just need a break from the to-do lists. Or I need to work on a different kind of to-do list.

Over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time creating boundaries. I turned off most notifications for my phone, and then try to only check work emails during work hours. And I stop looking at my phone at all after a certain point in the evening. (That time varies.) I also have projects I will do and will not do, people I will work with and people I won’t work with. But for the most part, I still accept a lot.

I usually don’t take very many days off. When I take a vacation day, we’re usually going somewhere. So, there’s a plan and a purpose. I’m also rarely sick. So, when I do get sick, I’m often relieved that I get a day off.

But I don’t need a plan and a purpose always. And I don’t need to wait to get sick to take it easy. I’m taking it easy today.

As such, I have to give myself a break every once in a while, too. A break from work and the normal things I do every day.

I’m taking today off. It’s a good day to take off for day job reasons (due to workflow), but I also just have this pile of little things to do. Mail a book a reader won. Turn in my kid’s fundraiser money for band. Get a damned pedicure. Tidy up the places in the house where things have strangely piled up.

They aren’t “work.” I suppose some are errands. True, running errands is work of sorts. I’m not spending the day in bed reading (although that sounds like fun.) This is more of an active self-care day. One where I’m taking care of things that have been left undone for too long.

I can get someone else to do some of them. But sometimes I just want to do a few things myself. To take the time to enjoy taking care of my own life.

And I’m determined to let myself do those things today without beating myself up for not “working.”

I’ve done the errands. And now, I’m going to write and write and write. Enjoy some tea and a treat from the local bakery. And stop trying to do everything all at once. Enjoy some unstructured time where I tell everyone I’ll get back to them tomorrow. Today, I’m going to just do what it is I need to do for now.

I’m hoping to return tomorrow refreshed and ready to go again, because I needed this break.

If you put pressure on yourself, don’t forget about the balance. Don’t forget that it’s okay to give yourself a day off just because.