agreements

I read this very simple quote the other day that hit me profoundly:

“Fulfill the agreements that you have with yourself and with other people around you. Fulfill your agreement to your family, your employers and employees, your friends, your landlord, your doctor, your dentist, your creditors, etc. When you fulfill the obligations that you have agreed to, you’ll be surprised at the freedom you manifest in your life.” – John-Roger

Wow.

How much stress do I cause myself because of broken agreements? Or ones I’ve procrastinated on? Or haven’t made a move to do anything about recently?

Have I really broken an agreement with my dentist by forgetting to floss?

And what about all those uncompleted agreements? So many book ideas. So many things I’ve started but haven’t been able to finish. Like, what about cleaning out under the window seat? Or sorting through papers?

How many promises have I made to myself to eat better, drink water, exercise more? Save more money, spend less, retire debt?

What about unspoken agreements? Like reading all the books on my kindle? (There are about 678 unread books.) If I don’t read them, am I just hoarding them? Should I release myself from them or honor an unspoken agreement to at least look at them all to see if I want to read them?

Or what about agreements I don’t even know I’ve made. Like, I told my doctor I’d take more iron. I did for a while, then forgot. Crap. Is that an agreement?

I very much wonder how much psychic energy I use on these things without even knowing it.

And I also wonder if I’m being a bit hard on myself, because there’s no way I can keep every agreement with myself. There’s no such thing as a perfect person—indeed, such perfection would be a defect. You have to have a few paint splatters where they weren’t meant to be, even in a masterpiece.

So, in response to the quote, I thought of a few solutions.

One. Make fewer agreements with myself and others. (This is the “say no” advice, but in this context, it feels even kinder, to me at least.)

Two. Excuse myself from those “agreements” that aren’t serving me. I have an unfinished project from childhood—seriously, childhood—that’s a homemade stuffed animal set of bears and a bench. I saw it the other day. I have, like, a bear and a half to go, and have had that to do since sometime in the mid-80s. I really either need to just finish it or throw it away.

There really is something to be said for the mental gift of “I don’t need to iron that shirt anymore” or “I’m stopping counting calories now.” And letting the release of a burden be the new agreement with yourself that you keep.

Three. If it really is an agreement, bring it to the surface so I know it’s something I’m doing. I started jotting down notes of things I am committed to doing. Those are the agreements I’ll keep. And I’ll mean it.

What kind of things have you promised yourself that you haven’t kept? Should you keep them? If so, make them an official agreement. And if not, let them go.