quiet

I’ve been thinking about quieter things these days. As is so often the case, I’m sensing a lot of anger and fear, frequently justifiably so, expressed on the internet. So many things to be passionate about. So many good causes. And plenty of opinions different than mine. (This isn’t news.)

One of the most democratic parts of the internet is the ability of anyone to say any opinion they like, including me here. I approve. Self-expression is important. (This also isn’t news.)

But I also need a filter. Because I regularly catch myself reading some sort of vile news that I respond to by overcompensating with some sort of gossipy piece about fashion or entertainment, and then I’m somehow fifteen minutes later watching a strange video about Pre-Code Hollywood and then I wonder why I even bother looking at the internet at all. I’m bombarded with opinions, but what am I searching for?

Simple. I’m searching for meaning. These days, I want poetry and thoughtfulness, not the new and the shiny and the loud. I want something with soul. I’m looking for time to contemplate. A place with depth. Something longer than a few seconds of attention-grabbing headlines. More time to muse.

Yes, my introvert is showing.

I made a list of words like:

Quiet

Meaning

Love

Emotion

Beauty

Pause

Connection

Understanding

I’m looking for those.

I know we don’t all want these things, and I certainly don’t want them all of the time. I love plenty of mischievous, impish people and bold, brash, shocking acts. I also understand righteous anger and fighting for justice. But sometimes I just want a little art (that can perhaps express that righteous anger and/or impishness).

I’m finding myself attracted to the gentle and the quiet. To anthropomorphize it, as someone said on Twitter about an underrated favorite actor (Ben Whishaw, described as the “patron saint of introverts,” if you’re curious), I’m looking for “sad poet hair and soulful eyes.”

Last night I watched Lilting, a very gentle and emotional movie Whishaw is in about grief, and it’s one of those movies that will stay with me. One that I will think about for a long time. It was good for my soul.

This morning while waiting for the dawn to come, I curled up under an afghan with a cup of hot Earl Grey to read a favorite, soothing book. (Snark in that book makes me very happy.) That made my lack of sleep infinitely better.

Do you have a place to go, a quiet center of the internet, where it’s meaningful to you? Where you can take a break from it all? Where it’s soft and soulful? I’d love to know.

P.S. I recommend Liziqi’s YouTube videos, with their gorgeous portrayal of the seasons.