action as self-care

This month, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, with too much to do and not enough time to do it in a variety of areas, both personal and professional. I find myself wishing I could have a vacation, spend time reading a foofy—my personal technical term for lifestyle/pretty picture—magazine, or just take a day off, with nothing to do and no agenda.

I’m daydreaming about no phone calls, no deadlines, no responsibility. No feeling that I should be doing anything other than re-watching Bridgerton. Or lying on my back watching the dust motes dance in the sunshine.

And yet, despite how desperately I need a break, I can’t seem to let myself take time off from writing (or indeed much of anything). I talked with my Kristy about it, and I could feel her smile over the phone. You LOVE being overwhelmed with writing, she said.

Hmm.

Modern self-care, as she pointed out, has certain stereotypes. When I personally think of self-care, it’s doing things like saying no or taking a bubble bath or going for a walk. It tends to be less activity and more mindfulness.

Apparently for me, though, self-care is writing.  Maybe I do need that agenda.

I feel less anxious and more centered if I take the time to write. I like looking at the day’s word count and feeling accomplished. It feels like I’m getting closer to becoming the person I actually want to be.

So, perhaps what I need to get over—to solve my overwhelmed-ness—is thinking that my self-care needs to look like anyone else’s. It doesn’t. And perhaps, for me, self-care isn’t so much about doing less but doing different things, with a different attention and intention.

This isn’t just for me, either. For example, I can see self-care, for someone who likes to garden, as spending the whole day at the garden center and then digging and watering. That could end up being strenuous activity that makes them very happy. 

I guess my point is, don’t get too wrapped up into thinking about what you should be doing, and instead focus on what it is that actually cares for yourself on a deeper level. Even if it’s not what you’d expect it to be.