fear of success
This post kind of ties into my last post about twenty one pilots. (After I posted that, I came across a great recent quote from the lead singer: “I feel like we’re closer to limitless than most bands,” which just proves my point about their bravery and creativity.)
But now to today’s blog post, which is a reprisal of something I posted on Facebook.
I realized recently that I have a fear of success. Like, what would happen if my books went viral? I couldn’t exactly name what my fear was, other than this general sense of doom/anxiety, but the realization was huge. Whenever I have an awakening like this, I try to dive in and see what’s up.
So, I went on YouTube and listened to a video about artists and fear of success, which helped. https://youtu.be/EyOsvokIuHI
I wrote in my journal about it, too.
Then, I just kind of allowed myself to be safe in that success. To let myself be exposed and know that it was okay. Just sat there with those feelings.
The night before I realized this, for fun, I posted a video on TikTok where the lead singer of twenty one pilots shook my kid’s hand at a concert.
Here’s the video: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeWuyf8T/
(This is probably what triggered the fear. Because I have been hearing so much about booktok but my posts had been pretty much under the radar, although I’m still new to it.)
I’m a fan of the band. They released an album Friday, which was the 21st day of the 21st week of the 21st year of the 21st century. For twenty one pilots. With nineteen backup musicians/dancers for the two of them (i.e. twenty one).
Well, I’m not kidding, after I had the slightest acceptance of actual success, my video frankly went viral. That morning it was 300 likes, then 850, then 1111, and now it’s at 13,500+ views. [Edit: 13,700.]
So this is what it feels like...
I also have a habit of doing Duolingo to learn Swedish. The screenshot is from this morning right after I realized I could have success and then saw that the video was taking off.
1. I think the universe has a sense of humor
2. I don’t think these things are coincidence
3. What the hell, it happened so fast it’s amazing.
4. I’m treating this as a practice for letting success come to me in books. (That takes mindset, too, because I could focus on this being a video of someone else who is already famous, but instead I’m looking at it as practice.)
5. The fear of success is real for me. And now that I know that, I’m going to play with remembering that all I have to be is authentic. I’m going to adjust my mindset to allow in good. I don’t have to be the unpopular kid sitting by herself in the lunchroom. I can find my readers. Or they can find me.
Does anyone have any tips about the fear of success?
