clarity and confusion

Clarity

I learned a few things about myself this week. And about others. And about the whole world. Namely, that we’re suffering long-term trauma and need to heal, even those of us who think we’ve been doing the right thing. In short, we haven’t, and there’s a lot more we can do. A lot a lot.

I thought I had my eyes open and was inclusive. I thought I was fair-minded and have diverse friends. I thought I had been doing my part to make this world a better place and teaching my children to do the same. 

Not by a longshot.

I’ve learned this week that I have a lot more I can do. That unless it’s happening to me, 2020-era racism is invisible and inherent and subtle and hard to see. (Apart from obvious exceptions such as murder, which of course set off massive riots around the world.) But if I’m not the one being stopped by police every time I wear a hoodie, then I’m not going to see it.

I now have a clearer desire about helping.

I certainly haven’t learned it all, but I’ve learned anew that I can do more to support people whose voices have been shoved aside and belittled. That I can help stop inherently unjust practices that pass as rational/normal/reasonable, but aren’t.

Here’s my confusion, though.

I’m not sure what to do about what I’ve learned.

I’ve seen statements like:

Silence is complicity and if you’re not speaking out you’re part of the problem

Versus

Shut up, step back, and listen to those who haven’t been listened to. You had your turn.

So, do I stay quiet? I don’t know the answer to that.

I don’t want to be complicit in causing any trauma. I want to participate in healing, unity, and making it better. My natural personality is to be quiet and listen, not talk (publish words) out of turn, but I mean, fuck. Black lives do matter. The trauma and rage is justified.

I’ve also seen:

What you resist persists

Versus

Take action now against racism.

So, following that logic, if I don’t want racism, but if I resist it, it persists, then what the hell do I do?

The conclusions I come to sound like kumbaya and filler.

Help.

I’ve seen a few social media posts that seem like good ideas. Suggestions for police procedures that deescalate violence. Promotion of POC voices. Donating money to George Floyd’s little girl Gigi so she can do whatever the hell she wants when she grows up. And general awareness of what has happened, continues to happen, and will happen, and what we need to do to make it better.

All I know from my little farm in California is I can take personal responsibility to do the best I can to make this society the way we want it. Open. Free. Friendly. Peaceful. Diverse. Strong. Abundant. Healthy. And aware. Always aware.