Small things when it’s all too big

Some days the pileup in and on my brain feels like hoarders got in there and stuffed too much mental junk in there. Like it’s full of the mental equivalent of dusty stacks of magazines and empty coffee cups and broken pieces of exercise equipment that don’t work.

Most of the junk I don’t want. (I’m hesitant to give examples of crap that loads down my brain, but let’s just say it’s dumb shit, equivalent to the physical examples above.)

Some stuff I do. (Remember to go to the bank, pick up prescription, and so on.)

But regardless of whether it’s important or not, I do want to clear “it” out, whatever “it” (that psychic stuff) is because it feels overwhelming. And feeling overwhelmed sucks, unless it’s overwhelming joy.

Which it’s not.

I guess what I’m feeling is inundated. Pressure. Pressure to perform, to be who everyone else expects me to be, to be who I expect myself to be.

And some days it’s just a bit too much.

I know this. I’ve gone over this. I know how to deal.

It still happens.

Do you ever feel this way? Like it’s just too much? Like there’s such a big gap between who you are and what you want? Like there’s too much clutter in your brain to even start thinking about the things you really want to do?

All I know is that I want to tidy my brain. Send Marie Kondo in here so it’s nothing but joy sparking all over the place.

So how do I do that?

Today, the answer is by starting as small as possible.

First, I dump my brain on paper and in lists. I get the thoughts out of my mind and into physical form. To-do lists, journal entries, (ahem) blog posts.

Then I take physical action.

I put away my shoes. Make the bed. Transfer $5 into savings. Take my vitamins. Drink a cup of coffee. Stare at a candle for a moment. Enjoy the feel of my new silky kimono robe.

I slow down.

I look at the cat all curled up in the corner of the room because it’s cooler there by the air conditioning. I notice how smooth the ink feels in my fancy pen going over a solid journal. I enjoy this still new-to-me laptop and how pretty it is.

Tiny focus.

I focus on very small steps. I can write a word. I can narrow my world down to a more manageable thing.

When it’s all too big, I go small.

How about you?