why do we love who we love?

I’m re-listening to a favorite romance audiobook in a series that tells the story of one couple, who have a series of adventures continued over several books. The books are funny and smart and snarky and sexy and sweet and all the feels, and I grin so much when I listen to them. I just adore them. I can pick one up when I need to feel happy, start listening anywhere, and know that it will deliver the emotions I want. (Good thing because I think if I were to listen to all the books, it’s about 70 hours of narration. Which by definition cannot be done in one day. Obviously. So, they necessarily need to be picked up and put down.)

But I also I feel like the series is more than mere entertainment. The books make me think about some deeper issues within the stories. And as a writer, I pay attention to the storytelling in general. It’s masterfully done.

That said, one thing occurred to me recently: I can’t quite articulate why the couple is in love with each other. I can certainly feel the love develop and strengthen in the book(s), so it’s not a question of whether they are in love. They are, and I can sense that emotion. I’m just trying to analyze why. Why these two over all others?

Looking at the couple, I can identify physical attraction and sexual compatibility. They have a camaraderie with each other and appreciation for each other. And they just belong together.

But if I were to answer the question, why is this the one person for the other character and not any other character in the story, I’m not sure I can do it. While the characters are quirky and unique, the story is filled with quirky, unique characters.

The answer as far as I can tell is that they just are.

So, then my new question: do we need to be able to articulate why a romance couple is in love with each other? Or, more broadly, why we fall in love?

As a romance author, my default answer is of course yes. I want the reader to know why this couple is the proverbial One True Pairing above all others. They’re made for each other because _____.

But as a human, I’m wondering if it really works like that.

Can we control who we love?

What we love?

I mean, let’s take my relationship with this book series. I told you why I love it: it’s funny/smart/snarky/sweet/feels. But honestly, maybe I just love it because I do. Because it evokes feelings in me that other books don’t, and that’s enough.

What do you think? Can love be articulated? Or is it just a feeling, and that’s it?