oops

Last Saturday (I originally wrote Wednesday just now), my last blog post contained an error. If you’re one of the few dozen people who read my blog, it probably jumped out at you.

Oops. Sorry.

(While I haven’t actually checked the numbers in a while so I don’t actually know how many people read this, I’ll note that three of my blog subscribers are me because I signed myself up using different email addresses to test the set up. Then I didn’t want to unsubscribe from my own blog because I would’ve had a 100% unsubscribe rate. So now I send myself three emails whenever I post. As if I didn’t know what I wrote … Talk about embarrassing ... Anyway.)

My response to the error was interesting. I thought I would’ve been more embarrassed, try to delete it, or otherwise pretend it didn’t happen. Instead, my response was kind of to just shrug and think, well, it could’ve been a lot worse.

And I went on my life. 

Must be because I’m an adult.

What was more interesting to me was this contrast: why did a public error now not bother me when I still remember my most embarrassing moment from 1988 that (likely) no one else remembers?

Which was (*does the math*) (*hope I don’t make a mistake*) 33 years ago.

(Since you’re probably wondering, the summary: I had an absolutely amazing soccer game where I scored a bunch of goals, then, riding a high, saw yet another opportunity to score. I ran up and kicked the ball in the goal, celebrated, and learned it was not in play. I was so mortified it bothers me to this day.)

I was looking up a definition of embarrassment and found one: it’s a disconnect between how you believe you should respond to a situation and how you actually respond. It can be when we think we haven’t met society’s expectations for us in a particular situation. (Or when singled out, etc.)

I think the difference is back then, I really felt the weight of society on me—or how I thought society thought I should act. I wanted to be perfect and couldn’t tolerate any mistakes. The error ruined a wonderful game. Now? I just think, I’ve written a hundred of these things. If I make a few errors, whatever. I can be proud that I’ve written a hundred more blog posts than most people on the planet.

I’m curious as to your most embarrassing moment and if it would embarrass you today, still. Or if the passage of time or gaining perspective means that you look at societal expectations differently.