me time

I’ve learned to accept that I’m just the kind of person who needs a lot of time to herself. I need time to read. I need time to write. I need time to think.

And while certainly, I don’t “need” it like I need safety or food or sleep—I think it’s higher up on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs—if I don’t get sufficient me-time, my mental health suffers. So, it’s a personal necessity, although the contours of it—how long I spend and what I do—are up for negotiation. I’m always clamoring for more time alone. Real life presses in for less.

This need for alone time can cause friction because by taking time for myself, necessarily I’m not spending it with other people. And apparently there are those extroverts who need other people around to restore theirenergy.

I’m the opposite. Being around too many people drains me. (Although I do like people. Just after I’ve had some time to myself.)

I’ve had to learn to not be sorry for needing time alone. Because it can be tremendously guilt-inducing to excuse myself or to say no. It can feel like I’m being selfish.

I mean, maybe I am selfish. I hope not. I do try to take time for my family daily to hang out. I have work to do at work. And I can list other things I do for others to justify my social existence. But do I have to justify my existence? In some respects, perhaps. I mean, I don’t want to be a sociopath. I genuinely am interested in other people. And I do want to help. I feel, though, that if I don’t have quiet time, everything suffers.

And I’m not sure anyone understands this. Indeed, my need to be alone makes me often feel misunderstood at a very deep level. I think this is my INFJ personality coming out.

I’m also so much better at expressing myself through writing than in person. If you get me one-on-one, I’ll tell you this. But in a group?

I’ll fade away.

I guess I just wanted to post this to say if you’re the kind of person who needs time alone—well, you’re not alone. Me too.