starting up again

I did a big thing this week.

No, I’m not talking about releasing my first full-length m/m romance novel (which is currently in the 600s ranking on Amazon!).

I’m talking about something bigger.

I (accidentally) skipped a day of blogging.

Which means this post is more important than ever…

Let me explain.

I tend to be a perfectionist. I want to cross every box off. I want to show up every time for something. I want streaks. I want to show that I did everything I can, every time I can. I want perfect attendance.

And I tend to not give myself a break for being, well, human.

Wednesday was the day before the release of my new book, Undone, and let’s just say I was a little distracted and tired. I didn’t mean to not write the post. I just kinda watched some reality television and called it a night, then woke up the next day and thought omg I forgot to post. Oops.

If you read James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, he talks about this dynamic—what happens when you’re trying to get in the habit of something and you miss a day. The thing I got most about it was not that he was insisting on perfection to create a habit. Far from it.

He was insisting on not letting the failure to do something be an excuse to not do it again.

Oh, I didn’t feel like going to the gym, so I missed it. Might as well not go today either.

I didn’t get my word count in. I’m never going to finish this book. Might as well watch TV.

I missed my (self-imposed) blog schedule. Maybe I should just give up.

Do you do this all-or-nothing thinking? Because I do it. Or at least I used to. The thought that if I can’t do something perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.

But of course that means I miss out on a lot of life. We simply aren’t perfect.

Remember:

The important part of a habit is doing it.

The second important part of a habit is doing it again after you missed a session.

In Clear’s book, he also talks about making the gateway to the habit as easy as possible. Lowering the barrier to the desired behavior.

I’ve taken this to heart.

The “formal” habit I’ve set for myself for writing is to simply open my laptop every day. Because if I do that, I often find myself writing. Sure, I’ll devise word count goals, but it’s more important to me to actually open the laptop. Once I’ve done that, it’s much easier.

The “formal” habit I have for going to the gym is literally to check in. All I have to do is check in 3 times a week. It doesn’t matter what I do when I get there because checking in (which requires getting dressed and driving there) is the hard part. The actual workout is enjoyable—or challenging—and I generally like the way it feels both during and after.

With the self-imposed goal last year of posting a blog entry twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I didn’t set any kind of content goal. My blog post could be one word. A picture. Whatever. I just wanted to keep the streak going.

This week I broke that streak, so now I’m demonstrating the most important part.

Starting up again.